


What if I'm far from home?

by romeoandjulietyouwish



Series: Lis Writes Mighty Nein [17]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Caduceus Clay Needs a Hug, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hugs, Hurt Caduceus Clay, Hurt/Comfort, Protective Beauregard Lionett, Sad Caduceus Clay, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-19 00:42:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29499003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romeoandjulietyouwish/pseuds/romeoandjulietyouwish
Summary: Caduceus thinks about his family and Beau notices.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay & Beauregard Lionett, Caduceus Clay & Clarabelle Clay, Caduceus Clay & Clay Family, Caduceus Clay & The Mighty Nein
Series: Lis Writes Mighty Nein [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2026874
Comments: 16
Kudos: 86





	What if I'm far from home?

**Author's Note:**

> Oh boy yall after that dream Cad had, my man needs a hug so this is it :)

Caduceus never thought he’d leave his home. And he was perfectly fine with that. He could see himself caring for the Grove and tending to the graves until his last breath. He used to imagine his siblings coming around every once in a while to tell him stories of their adventures. Colton used to roll his eyes at him, calling him boring for having such ordinary aspirations. But he knew all three of his siblings appreciated it, it meant that they weren’t bound to the Grove, they were free to roam. 

When Clarabelle was little, she got lost in the Savilerwood. She had been with Caduceus helping to clean up some of the graves. Though she always did more playing and picking flowers than helping her brother. Caduceus never minded though. While he was picking the weeds, he had his back to his little sister. When he turned around Clarabelle had vanished. Caduceus hadn’t been immediately worried, all of them knew their way around the woods and she was prone to wandering just like the rest of them. But when she hadn’t returned after twenty minutes, Caduceus called out for her. 

She didn’t answer. 

He tried a few more times with no response before running back to the house. He burst inside, quickly explaining the situation to his father and aunt who had been preparing lunch for the family. Soon the whole family was alerted and began to search the woods for her, calling out her name, each taking a different direction. 

It was Caduceus who found her. After ten minutes of walking through the woods, he found a series of broken sticks and crumpled leaves, guiding him directly to his little sister. She was halfway up a tree, bleeding and trembling as she clung to the trunk. Clarabelle looked down at him with tears falling down her cheeks. “Caduceus!” 

“I see you, Belle,” he smiled at her, trying to keep her calm. “Can you climb down to me?” 

“I-I don’t know. My leg hurts.” 

He nods, seeing the bleeding gash on her thigh. “I know, but we both know I’m not very good at climbing.” She smiled a little at that and wiped her eyes with her sleeve. “If you fall, I’m going to be right here to catch you, okay?” 

Clarabelle took a shaky breath and nodded. Slowly she began inching her way down the trunk. A few times her foot slipped out from under her and she swiftly caught herself on the branches with a shout. Caduceus was quick to calm her and with some encouragement, she kept climbing. When she was low enough Caduceus reached up and pulled her from the branch and into his arms. Immediately, she wrapped her legs around his waist and fell forward against his chest with a whimper. 

Caduceus cast a small healing spell on her, closing the wound on her leg which Clarabelle softly thanked him for. He then pursed his lips together, whistling to the others to help them know he got her. The whistle was returned by everyone a few moments later, signaling they got the message. 

“What happened?” Caduceus asked as they began to walk back home. He didn’t set her down the whole way.

“I got lost,” she sniffed. “I-I was following a rabbit and I got all turned around and I started hearing really scary noises from the woods so I started running and I was really scared so I climbed a tree like Dad told me.” 

“That’s exactly right,” he praised. “But try not to wander off again, okay? You gave everyone a real scare.” 

“Sorry,” she murmured. He just kissed her forehead.

After that, Clarabelle had stuck close to Caduceus. When she was still small she would swing from his arms and sit on his shoulders as he tended to the gardens. As they got older, she would hold his hand or put her head in his lap, asking him to brush her hair. Even more so than the rest of their family, Clarabelle was affectionate. 

Now, in the middle of a frozen wasteland, Caduceus finds himself missing his family and their closeness. But the Mighty Nein aren’t like that. They’ll pat each other on the back and give out hugs if someone needs it, but it’s nothing like the casual affection and closeness of his family back in the Grove. Caduceus hadn’t really found himself missing it until recently; until he knew they were alive and safe back at home. But now it’s all he can think about, the itchiness of his skin as he longs for affection, the feeling of disconnect between his body and his mind. 

“You okay, Deucy?” Veth asks him as they all head to their beds for the night in Caleb’s tower. 

He nods, “Long day.” Veth smiles and gives him a pat on the shoulder. Instead of following the others to their bedrooms, Caduceus floats to the Salon. 

He lowers himself onto the couch and takes the soft blanket from the back of the couch and pulls it around his shoulders. The soft shadows cast by the fire makes him think of cold nights back in the Grove. All seven of them would crowd into one room and light the fire. They would sleep all pressed up together. Colton was the least inclined to cuddle up with everyone, but with some persuading, he would put his head in Constance’s lap. 

When Caduceus closes his eyes, he can almost feel his Calliope’s arm around his shoulders, or his father ruffling his hair, or Aunt Corrin squeezing him into her side. 

But it’s not real, it’s not real at all. 

Despite himself, Caduceus finds himself jealous. Veth and Jester get to see their families every few weeks. They get to look forward to hugging their people and being comforted and taken care of. Caduceus doesn’t get that luxury. There is nothing he wants more than a good, solid embrace, a kiss on his forehead, anything. 

He hugs himself, pulling his knees to his chest. It’s nothing like what he needs, not even close, but it’s something. 

“Caduceus?” He looks over to the door and sees Beau standing in the doorway. Her footsteps are soft as she walks to him and sits on the couch beside him. “Are you okay?”

He nods, “Don’t worry about me, Beau.” 

She frowns, “You worry about all of us. Let me worry about you.” Beau leans back and looks him over. “What’s going on?” 

Caduceus shakes his head, “It’s nothing, just thinking about my family.” 

“You must miss them. I can imagine that it’s hard to be apart from them when you guys are all so close.” 

“I’ve never been away from them for this long. I guess I’m just missing them, being around them.” 

“Is there anything I can do?” 

Caduceus looks over at Beau. She’s prickly and doesn’t offer affection as freely as some of the others and when she does it’s always towards Jester or Caleb. But at this moment, Caduceus finds himself asking, “Can I have a hug?” 

He sees her immediate response, confusion. But after a second her face softens and she closes the distance between them, reaches her arms under his, and hugs him. Beau is smaller than any of his family members, but she’s warm and she’s here, hugging him when he never thought she would. 

He doesn’t hang on as long as he would for Clarabelle or even Colton, he knows that she’s probably very uncomfortable with this situation. When he pulls back, Beau is looking up at him with a stern expression, almost like she’s studying him. 

“I saw you with your family back when we saved them,” Beau says. “You were...touchy. You miss that don’t you?” 

Caduceus nods, “It is hard when you grow accustomed to something for many many years and then you take it away suddenly. It makes you feel...seasick. Like your body is moving on a different wave than your mind, rocking and crashing, occasionally passing through each other.” He touches Beau’s hand, “This feels like an anchor.” 

Beau hums in understanding and then pulls him back into a hug. Caduceus goes easily, melting into her arms. “You can ask this of us, you know. I’m sure all of us would be willing to hug you and be close to you. It’s something we all need, we’re just…” She sighs. “Not as used to getting it as you.” She tightens her arms around him. “You spend so much time taking care of all of us, let us take care of you.” 

“Are you sure?” He asks. 

Bean nods against his shoulder and rubs his back. “We’re here for you, man.” 

He smiles a little, “You’re a very good friend, Beau.” 

“I’m really not, but I’m trying.” She pulls back and looks at him, “Are you feeling any better?” He nods. “Good.” 

She seems like she’s about to get up, but before she can, Caduceus stops her. “Beau, if you wouldn’t mind, would you just...sit with me for a little while? We don’t have to talk or anything.” 

Beau nods and to his surprise, leans into his side and pulls out her journal. He wraps his arm around her and sighs happily. 

When they get up later to go to bed, Beau smiles and pats his shoulder and for the first time in a long while, Caduceus goes to bed without that pickling feeling under his skin. 

In the morning, it’s obvious that Beau talked to the others about his...well his problem because the first thing Jester does when she sees him is bolt into his arms, giving him a tight squeeze around the middle. He smiles and returns the embrace easily. He looks over Jester’s head to see Beau watching him with a small smile. Caduceus mouths a soft thank you to her which she accepts with a nod. 

When they all sit down to breakfast, Fjord sits next to him with their shoulders pressed together.  
While they’re walking, Veth slips her hand into his, insisting it’s purely to keep her hands warm. Yasha doesn’t touch him so much as she stays a comforting presence by his shoulder. Even Caleb for as much as the man resists comfort and touch finds times to pat his shoulder or give him a smile. 

At the end of the day, Caduceus stops Beau before she can float up to her room and pulls her into a tight hug, just like he used to do for Clarabelle. She groans but relaxes into his arms and pats his back. 

“Thank you.” He says into her ear. 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are always appreciated!
> 
> Tumblr- @romeoandjulietyouwish


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